One of my earliest encounters with Ruth Micklem happened when I was 25 years old. I didn’t know then that I was in the company of a legend in the making, but I could sense even as a movement youngster that Ruth and her style of advocacy were something special.
It was 1993, and I was working as an advocate at Avalon in Williamsburg. One day I called Virginians Against Domestic Violence (VADV, the domestic violence state coalition that later joined together with Virginians Aligned Against Sexual Assault—VAASA—to become the Action Alliance), to seek technical assistance from coalition staff. Ruth answered the phone.
A survivor in the shelter was struggling with a complex web of challenges in her life. It was thorny, and as a new advocate, I felt ill-equipped to help. I described the situation to Ruth and asked my questions. “Maybe being a victim of domestic violence is not the primary problem that she’s seeking to solve right now,” Ruth said.
“Wait…what?” I thought. As a naïve and fledgling advocate, the idea that escaping ongoing physical violence could NOT be a survivor’s most immediate concern was (I’m embarrassed to say this now) groundbreaking for me.
This simple and brief interaction with Ruth helped me realize that I had been imposing my own priorities on this shelter resident and not truly listening to what she was telling me she needed. And if I was doing that to her, how many other survivors had I done it to? It was a lesson in humility, attentive listening, and most importantly, being an effective advocate.
Since that early phone call, Ruth has continued to be a mentor, agitator, and friend who has challenged not only the way I see the world, but more importantly, challenged how we—as organizations, communities, and institutions—build system responses that we think are listening to survivors but, in reality, may not be.
Ruth entered this work in the mid-1980s, when she herself was in her 20s. The homeless shelter in Petersburg where she was interning started a domestic violence program in 1986 for women who had become homeless due to violence. Between 1986-1988, Ruth helped build their domestic violence program by developing support groups, setting up a 24-hour hotline, and initiating crisis intervention and legal advocacy services.
By the late 1980s, Ruth was working at Avalon as their Outreach Coordinator and while there, after being trained by Sue Osthoff at the National Clearinghouse for the Defense of Battered Women, began working with survivors who were criminally charged, specifically those who had used violence to protect themselves or their children. Suddenly, she was fielding calls for help on similar cases from across Virginia. Later, she would serve as an expert witness in several cases where women had been charged with crimes. This work would eventually lead to advocacy that established a coalition policy position in opposition to the death penalty.
Exactly 35 years ago this month (June 1990), Ruth joined the state domestic violence coalition, VADV, as Advocacy Director where she coordinated training and technical assistance for DV advocates across Virginia, helped develop and monitor statewide policy, and provided services to women who were not served by traditional domestic violence programs, including women who were incarcerated.
Early in her tenure at VADV, Ruth served on Virginia Attorney General Mary Sue Terry’s Task Force on Domestic Violence (1990-1992) and helped steward several significant policy advancements for survivors, including:
- Creating a new crime of Assault and Battery of a Family or Household Member in Virginia Code;
- Establishing statutory guidance for law enforcement who respond to family violence that deters pro/mandatory arrest policies;
- Creating a new definition of Family and Household Member for the Virginia Code, and;
- Establishing Emergency Protective Orders as an option for victims who need stop-gap protection while waiting to petition for a Protective Order.
1994 was a watershed year in the world of domestic violence advocacy, and Ruth’s work was no exception. That year, Congress passed the Violence Against Women Act, which would transform system responses to sexual and domestic violence for decades. In Virginia, VADV successfully lobbied for increased funding for domestic violence programs and new funding in the Virginia budget to establish a Statewide Domestic Violence Hotline. That year, Ruth was appointed to the newly established Virginia Commission on Family Violence–the first statewide commission that included representation from all three branches of government, professionals in the family violence field, and citizen representation.
Ruth served on the Virginia Commission on Family Violence Prevention from 1994- 2000, during which time the Commission made significant changes in Virginia’s response to domestic violence, including presumptive arrest policies, enhanced law enforcement response, and improvements to Protective Orders. In all, the Commission was responsible for the introduction and enactment of 23 bills, 10 resolutions, and 7 budget actions during the course of its work. Ruth proudly received the “Plays Well with Others” award for her participation in the Commission. Some of the notable accomplishments included:
- Establishing the Office on Family Violence under Virginia Department of Social Services; and
- Passing legislation to establish local domestic violence fatality review teams and support family and intimate partner violence fatality data collection at the Office of the Chief Medical Examiner.
During the same time period, VADV launched the During this busy time, VADV launched the Statewide Family Violence Hotline (and in 1997 the Statewide Sexual Assault Hotline in collaboration with VAASA), created the Statewide Training Institute, and dreamed up and launched VAdata, the first of its kind web-based data collection system for sexual and domestic violence agencies across Virginia which is still used by agencies today.
One of Ruth’s many gifts as an advocate has been advocating for systems change—identifying how community or statewide responses to violence can be improved to be more responsive and easier to navigate for survivors.
Her unique gifts in this area are apparent in the work of many statewide advisory committees she served on during her tenure, including:
- The Gender Bias in the Courts Task Force for the Office of the Executive Secretary of the Supreme Court;
- Several study commissions with the Commission on Youth on Child Custody and Support;
- The Fatality Review Advisory Group with the Office of the Chief Medical Examiner, where Ruth helped develop the Family and Intimate Partner Violence Fatality Review Model Protocol;
- The Virginia Commission on Sexual Violence, convened by Governor Tim Kaine;
- Virginia Attorney General Jerry Kilgore’s Advisory Committee on domestic violence that led the way on policy to eliminate exemptions in the Virginia marital rape statute, which resulted in marital rape being treated in Code the same as rape in any other circumstance;
- The Advisory Committee on Domestic Violence Issues in the Virginia Courts, which established policies and protocols related to domestic violence for the Virginia judiciary, and;
- Attorney General Robert McDonnell’s Advisory Committee on Domestic Violence.
Ruth’s four decades of fierce and unwavering advocacy on behalf of survivors has challenged systems and uplifted survivors’ voices.
I recently had the opportunity to ask Ruth to reflect on some highlights of her career, and I’d like to share a few quotes from her:
Ruth, what do you see as your biggest accomplishment?
If I had to choose, it would be “Transformation.” Bringing sexual and domestic violence work together in one “transformed” coalition was a vision that took nearly 10 years to achieve—and nearly did me in!
It was by far the most inspiring and challenging work of my career. The multi-year work of relationship and trust building to bring two large coalitions together and expand our reach led to new ways of seeing things, new opportunities and new friendships. It gave all of us a new perspective on the interconnection and overlaps in the experiences of violence that are part of most survivors’ lives. This work showed that we can bridge differences, stretch, learn new things, and build new alliances, even when we are told it is impossible!
Looking back, what are some of your fondest memories?
Where to start? First, I have to say that I would never have had all this opportunity without my partner in love and in work (Kristi) who believed in me and was crazy enough and daring enough to dream with me and make things happen. Getting to work alongside the love of my life has been both an honor and a privilege for which I am grateful.
There are far too many fond memories to list of working alongside many brilliant, passionate, and inspiring people. The best part of my years of work has been the incredible friendships and relationships that have been built. From working alongside folks to build a Statewide Hotline, and alongside smart and dedicated folks to build a web-based statewide data collection system before we even really knew how to use a computer, to learning about violence prevention work and expanding our vision to creating a world without violence.
I especially appreciate the one person who I could work under – Jonathan Yglesias! Working with Jonathan on the development of the Firearms Toolkit and other projects has really been fun too.
I have been honored to have had the opportunity to do this work during such a time of growth and awareness and to have been able to work with such passionate, smart, and dedicated people.
Mostly I have been inspired by and learned from the many incredible survivors of violence that have allowed me into their lives, allowed me to offer help and make mistakes, and learn how to be a good advocate and friend. It has been a joy and an honor to do this work, and I will keep working on the dream, even as I am making things on my beach!
Retirement may mark the end of this chapter for Ruth, but the impact she has made will continue to echo across Virginia, far beyond her time on the front lines of advocacy work. Ruth, we thank you on behalf of a grateful Commonwealth, countless numbers of survivors whose lives you have made safer and advocates whose work you have made better. Your story is woven into the fabric of a movement that will never forget you.
With deep gratitude and abiding respect, we honor you. We love you. Happy retirement!
We’ll be holding a party to celebrate Ruth and Addie and the many years they’ve worked to advance our movement in Virginia and nationally.
YOU ARE INVITED! Please mark your calendars:
Friday, June 27, 5pm-8pm
Hardywood Brewery
2410 Ownby Lane
Richmond, VA
No need to RSVP. Simply show up to celebrate Ruth!
Kate McCord is the Associate Director of the Virginia Sexual & Domestic Violence Action Alliance, has been pestering Ruth with all manner of questions for more than 32 years and is proud to call Ruth her friend.
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