In this post, Action Alliance Associate Director Kate McCord explores the difference between punishment and accountability in responding to gender-based violence such as stalking, sexual assault, and domestic violence. While the criminal legal system is the primary response to harm in the United States, many survivors never report to it, and Virginia survivors who use Sexual and Domestic Violence Agency services rank filing a police report and going to court among the least helpful steps they tried. McCord explains that punishment imposes isolation and deprivation, while accountability asks the person who caused harm to acknowledge their actions, understand the impact, take responsibility, and change. To help advocates and preventionists put these ideas into practice, the Action Alliance has released the Harm and Accountability Facilitation Guide, created by Youth Resilience Manager Raelyn Williams as a companion to McCord’s Harm and Accountability Conversation Seed Packet, and is hosting regional trainings across Virginia in October 2026.
“That person needs to be held accountable for the violence they committed.”
What comes to mind when you hear that?
In this country, we often think accountability and punishment are the same thing. We say, “That person needs to be held accountable for the violence they committed” when what we really mean is, “That person needs to be punished.”
But accountability and punishment are vastly different processes with vastly different outcomes. As people in the business of building a world where violence is not the norm, we should probably investigate those differences.
When it comes to gender-based violence— like stalking, sexual assault, and domestic violence—the primary response in this country is punishment, namely seeking arrest and incarceration.
But why is the criminal legal system our primary response to harm? Shouldn’t there be other options that better meet survivors’ needs?
One indication of how poorly the criminal legal system meets survivors’ needs is how few of us try to use it in the first place. Consider these national statistics:
- Fewer than half of us contact the criminal justice system after experiencing harm, and 56% of cases in which a person was injured go unreported.[1]
Even people who do call the police often do not get the remedy they seek from the criminal legal system:
- For crime victims who seek an arrest and conviction, a significant portion of reported crimes do not result in an arrest, many arrests do not result in convictions, and the results of convictions — including incarceration — often do not meet victims’ needs.[2]
In Virginia, data from survivors of sexual violence who use the services of Virginia’s Sexual and Domestic Violence Programs indicate that “filing a police report” and “going to court” were among the top three least helpful self-advocacy tactics they tried after being assaulted.[3]
Survivors deserve more than one option, and they especially deserve options that work better for them than what the criminal legal system can offer.
How many survivors have said to you something like: “I just want them to acknowledge what they did, how it affected me, and never to do it again.” What survivors are asking for when they say this is accountability, not punishment.
What are the differences between punishment and accountability?
Accountability after harm means acknowledging one’s actions, taking responsibility for the harm done, understanding the impact of the harm on other people, and taking steps to avoid committing harm in the future. Sometimes an accountability process goes even further and takes steps to repair the damage caused by the harm.
Punishment imposes isolation, deprivation, and sometimes suffering as a consequence of violating a rule or law. When punishment happens — whether admonishing a child, suspending a student, or incarcerating an adult—the elements of accountability are almost always absent.
In fact, punishment and accountability rarely overlap. Consider these questions:
- How often does punishment (incarceration, for example) involve the person taking responsibility for their behavior and acknowledging its impact?
- How often does it involve the person who caused harm taking steps to repair what they did and changing for the future?
We know from working with survivors (and many of us being survivors ourselves) that accountability is more likely than punishment to bring forth healing and transformation—both for the person who was harmed as well as the person who caused harm.
Why, then, do we spend so little time learning about and practicing accountability?
A few years ago, I wrote the Harm and Accountability Conversation Seed Packet to help Sexual and Domestic Violence Agencies, advocates, and preventionists learn about and practice accountability. The Seed Packet began with a question to ponder: Does the criminal legal system— and other systems that deliver punishment as a way to respond to harm—really deliver accountability?
The Seed Packet was designed as a “choose your own adventure”—start where you wish and try an exercise. This year, Raelyn Williams, Action Alliance Youth Resilience Manager, created a Facilitation Guide to accompany the Seed Packet for people who are ready to create change in your communities.
The Harm and Accountability Facilitation Guide is a roadmap for people who seek to challenge systems based in punishment and to begin to think more broadly about what accountability should look like not only after harm is committed, but also in all aspects of our lives…in our relationships, families, workplaces, and communities.
We’ll be offering a series of regional trainings to share the Facilitation Guide and train professionals on how to use it in your community. I hope you’ll sign up for one of the regional trainings listed below.
As advocates and preventionists, our work is worldbuilding. We have the power to build a world where our primary response to violence no longer relies on a system that replicates the dynamics of abuse (isolation, control, deprivation, and physical harm) and instead build a world where we respond to harm in a way that uplifts accountability, is healing-centered, and is potentially even transformative.
We can shift away from punitive responses to more healing and restorative responses.
Whether we apply accountability practices in our work or personal life, we can approach harm and wrongdoing from a healing and restorative perspective rather than a traditionally punitive one. Healing approaches are more likely to produce the long-term change we are working to build. We hope you join us in this work!
The Virginia Sexual and Domestic Violence Action Alliance is hosting a series of regional trainings on the new Harm and Accountability Facilitation Guide, adapted from the Harm and Accountability Conversation Seed Packet on these dates:
- October 1st: The Center (11838 Rock Landing Drive, Suite 220, Newport News, VA 23606): Click here to register
- October 16th: Doorways (671 N. Glebe Road, Arlington, VA 22203): Click here to register
- October 27th: Response (207 North Muhlenberg Street, Woodstock, VA 22664): Click here to register
- October 29th: Women’s Resource Center (1217 Grove Avenue, Radford, VA 24141): Click here to register
Through this training, you will:
- Be able to distinguish the differences between accountability and punishment, and the systems that enable them;
- Identify the impacts that harm has on individuals, relationships, and your community, as well as alternative ways to respond;
- Learn how to cultivate accountability practices within yourself and your community.
Kate McCord is the Associate Director of the Virginia Sexual & Domestic Violence Action Alliance, and author of “Harm and Accountability Conversation Seed Packet: A Discussion Guide to Support Sexual & Domestic Violence Programs as You Hold Conversations About Harm, Accountability, and Healing”
[1] Danielle Sered, Until We Reckon: Violence, Mass Incarceration and a Road to Repair (The New Press, 2019). Lynn Langton et al., Victimizations Not Reported to the Police 2006-2010, U.S.
[2] Danielle Sered. Accounting for Violence: How to Increase Safety and Break Our Failed Reliance on Mass Incarceration. New York: Vera Institute of Justice, 2017.U.S. Department of Justice, Federal Bureau of Investigation, Uniform Crime Reporting Program, Crime in the United States, 2015.
[3] Advocacy in Virginia 2022: A Report on Data from Virginia’s Sexual and Domestic Violence Agencies, Virginia Sexual &Domestic Violence Action Alliance.
What is the difference between accountability and punishment?
Accountability means acknowledging one’s actions, taking responsibility for the harm done, understanding its impact on others, and taking steps to avoid causing harm in the future. It can also include repairing the damage. Punishment imposes isolation, deprivation, and sometimes suffering as a consequence of breaking a rule or law, and it rarely includes any of the elements of accountability.
Why isn’t the criminal legal system enough for survivors of sexual and domestic violence?
Fewer than half of people who experience harm contact the criminal justice system, and 56% of cases involving injury go unreported. Many reported crimes never lead to arrest, many arrests never lead to conviction, and even convictions often fail to meet survivors’ needs. In Virginia, survivors served by Sexual and Domestic Violence Agencies ranked filing a police report and going to court among the three least helpful self-advocacy tactics they tried.
What do survivors often say they want after experiencing harm?
Many survivors say they want the person who harmed them to acknowledge what they did, understand how it affected them, and never do it again. That is a request for accountability, not punishment.
What is the Harm and Accountability Conversation Seed Packet?
Written by Kate McCord, the Seed Packet is a “choose your own adventure” discussion guide that helps Sexual and Domestic Violence Agencies, advocates, and preventionists learn about and practice accountability. It invites readers to consider whether systems built on punishment truly deliver accountability.
What is the Harm and Accountability Facilitation Guide?
Created by Raelyn Williams, the Action Alliance’s Youth Resilience Manager, the Facilitation Guide accompanies the Seed Packet. It is a roadmap for people who want to challenge punishment-based systems and bring accountability into relationships, families, workplaces, and communities.
Who should attend the regional Harm and Accountability trainings?
The trainings are designed for advocates, preventionists, and other professionals who want to use the Facilitation Guide in their communities.
What will participants learn in the training?
Participants will learn to distinguish between accountability and punishment and the systems that enable each, identify how harm affects individuals, relationships, and communities along with alternative ways to respond, and cultivate accountability practices within themselves and their communities.
When and where are the trainings being held?
- October 1: The Center, Newport News – register here: https://htru.io/S2cg
- October 16: Doorways, Arlington – register here: https://htru.io/S2ch
- October 27: Response, Woodstock – register here: https://htru.io/S2ci
- October 29: Women’s Resource Center, Radford – register here: https://htru.io/S2nH
Why does the Action Alliance describe this work as “worldbuilding”?
Advocates and preventionists are working toward a world where the primary response to violence no longer relies on a system that mirrors the dynamics of abuse, such as isolation, control, deprivation, and physical harm. Instead, the goal is a response to harm that centers accountability and healing and has the potential to be transformative.